A year, a week or an eternity?

A year ago this week I moved into my first house in Mahajanga. It’s given me mixed feelings since it’s easy to reminisce about what feels to me like a decade ago, but then I laugh about it because that decade long feeling has all happened in a year. I was genuinely confused about how a year can feel like an eternity, but I’ve realized that it’s because of how normal life in Madagascar has become and how completely different life is now that my life before. It’s the stark difference and the series of adjustments to those life changes that create that sense of “been here forever” in such a short period of time. Now don’t take that the wrong way, it’s not the I’ve been here forever and can’t wait to get home feeling. Well most days anyways! The past few days I’ve been dreaming of peace and quiet. I’ve had music blaring from down the street for a 3 day circumscision party that makes it nearly impossible to sleep, let alone think. But let me make that clear -  that’s not my feeling on a daily basis. In reality. I’m not sure how or if I will ever assimilate when I return home. Sure I want to go home, but just for a visit, the thought of a permanent life back in the developed world seems scary. Case in point, I had a dream (or a nightmare depending on who you are) where I was whisked out of Madagascar and didn’t get to say goodbye. I was picked up at the airport and on the drive home I cried and had a panic attack because of the cars, gas stations, sidewalks and buildings. They all seemed so modern and unnecessarily fancy. I ended up getting on the first flight to Madagascar and then I woke up. I was personally surprised by my reaction considering I miss food from home so so much! But what the dream showed me was how much this place has become home.

So how exactly do you make friends?

A little over a year ago, during training in Mantasoa, I asked every Peace Corps Trainer (a volunteer that had already completed 1 year of service) the same question. So how exactly do you make friends? If you know me well, you know I have a handful of close friends, but not a million people I hang out with all the time. I actually still keep in touch with very few people, partially because I’m awful at keeping in touch and partially because I don’t know who wants to talk about my extremely boring or odd day. But anyways, it was my biggest fear about moving to site. I figured I had a hard enough time making friends while speaking English, how in the world would I do that speaking a new language! I was more than scared, I was terrified. 

Everyone one of my trainers said it would happen with time and not to worry. Obviously they didn’t know I was a third generation master worrier! Thank you Grandpa Freddy for those genes. I decided to trust them and figured that worst case scenario I would find a cat or a rat in my house to keep me company. Yet a year later I have people I consider my best friends. Who would have thought!? I certainly wasn’t sure it would ever happen. It took many, many months and I wasn’t sure that even if I did meet someone that I would ever be able to have more than a surface relationship with them. I don’t think that was too crazy of a thing to think about either… how, if I could barely speak the language would I get past our favorite color and favorite food? But now I’m happy to say I have the best friends and support I could ask for. I trust my best friend, Rota (Ruth in English), with my life. And sometimes I mean that literally. 

I can remember the day that, for me, everything changed. She wasn’t just a friend, she was my person. It was after 9pm and I had just been let go of my job at the time over the phone. And as I hung up the phone I stood in the kitchen and sobbed. I had just thought the week before that finally my life was coming together here and as I like to say, I was “on top of the moon”. A good mixture of on top of the world and over the moon! Well in an instant I had fallen off the moon and came crash landing to my new reality. It was the first time I didn’t call home for help first. Instead, I picked up the phone and called Rota and invited myself over. On my walk to her house I realized how deep my relationship and trust in her had become. I was in the midst of a low and she was the person I knew I could count on to share with and help me out of it. After all, that’s what true friendship is all about.

And now, a year into my service I couldn’t imagine Madagascar without her. She was the one I made sure my mom had to meet, and she opened my mom with open arms and lots of food and a welcome gift. I don’t think it was until she met Rota (and Andry her husband and Adele my other great friend) that she realized why I stay and continue my work here in Madagascar. She sees the relationships I’ve created and the love I have here. And if I don’t accomplish another thing while I’m here, at least I have these life long friendships to show for it. That’s what the whole mission of the Peace Corps anyways - to foster love and friendship and understanding.

So I guess the Trainers were right, it did happen, and it took a while, but trust doesn’t happen overnight. And if any of the current Trainees were to ask the same question I would give them the same piece of advice - it will happen with time, but I would add 2 other pieces of advice that I also sent to my sister as she left for university recently. 1) The friends you start with will not necessarily be the friends you end with. Just in about everything I do I’ve found that it takes a few tries to find the friends worth keeping around. And 2) Go out, go places, and do things because you never know where your next friend is hiding. 

When You Make Plans, God Laughs

There’s a saying that goes “When you make plans, God laughs.” 

And well I have to agree… I was born with it encoded in my genes to be adverse to change. There are those people who are jump straight into a pool without thinking twice and those who take 15 minutes because they go step by step into the pool to get used to the water. Needless to say I was not, and never have been, a jumper. 

Or if you had me on a scale of flexible like playdough to hard like a rock, I’d probably be considered a diamond. Not because I’m a Delta Zeta and that’s our symbol or because diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but because chemically they are the hardest rock on the planet. The bonds of the carbon are quite literally set in stone (and yes, pun intended).

My mom would be happy to tell you about how I cried for the first two weeks of being dropped off at kindergarten or how much I hated public high school. I even remember sitting through my orientation for LMU and hating it. It’s the change thing, I may not like it, but living just off the continent off of Africa has made me good at it whether I like it or not. 

When I was installed at site last September I thought - This is it! This is home! Little did I know that God had other plans. I was saved from that job and that also entailed moving houses. And after 6 months at my current house and job I got a call that I was being let go, meaning I was back to hunting for a house and job yet again. After the initial shock and panic, things have started to fall back into place. Today I move into my 5th new house since I arrived in Madagascar a year ago  and I recently started a new job at 2 new schools. 

I’m tired, exhausted, and so used to change that it’s become my new norm, but I’m still here and I’m more in love with my students than I thought was possible. Although I’m hoping for the next year I can call one place home, I’ve learned to live life day by day and sometimes hour by hour. It’s amazing to see how far I’ve come. I think to the core I’m still a diamond, a true planner at heart, but maybe now I can claim I’m a diamond covered in playdough, flexible enough to roll with the punches. 

Sometimes I think God gives us the same challenge over and over until we learn the lesson we are supposed to. And sure, it’s taken a few times with this lesson… But God, in case you haven’t got the memo, I think I got it this time! 

Moving day! Yes, that's an oxcart pulling my furniture! 

A Sawfish!?

What exactly is a sawfish you may ask? Well a saw fish is exactly what it sounds like! It’s this half-shark, half-ray like fish that has a giant saw-like nose. I can’t say I even knew a sawfish existed until a few weeks ago, but it turns out that this critically endangered species lives off of the coast of Mahajanga. I’ve had the pleasure of knowing Marine Biologist Ruth Leeney for the past month and she came to teach my new students about sawfish conservation. It was such an amazing experience to bring this opportunity to my classroom. My students and fellow teachers’ faces lit up learning about this amazing creature and what things they can do to help the sawfish. Not only was it special for them to meet a marine biologist, but it was a trilingual lesson! We used English, French, and Malagasy! In all three languages we talked about the importance of the mangroves in our ecosystem and how they are the protective home of baby sawfish. Deforestation is a huge problem and now students know about a secondary effect of deforestation. They also learned about other factors that have led to their decreased populations such as their predator, the crocodile, and over-fishing. Opportunities like this are far and few between for Malagasy students, so they were very excited to have a special guest and seemed very enthusiastic about doing their part to save sawfish. Hopefully we have inspired these students to be the next generation of advocates for sawfish and our environment!

To learn more about sawfish check out:

https://www.facebook.com/ProtectAfricasSawfishes/

Life is a Choice

I was talking with my roommate about how slow our life is now. As compared to my life in the states before, my life could almost be going backwards now. I don’t even know how I used to do it all. Balancing 3 jobs at 30+ hours a week, 15-17 units of school as a biochemistry major, a sorority, a boyfriend, a cat, family… the list just goes on and on. I also somehow had to squeeze homework and sleep in there. Nowadays life consists of hanging out with friends or having them over for dinner, reading books, running, cooking delicious food, and just sitting. I find myself not doing anything sometimes and being okay with that. Before I always felt like I have to be productive and if I wasn’t being productive then I was wasting my time. I have come to truly appreciate the Malagasy approach to a slow life. Life on the continent of Africa is generally known to be slower than typical daily life in the US. And here in Madagascar I think it’s even more exaggerated since it’s also an island. So not only is it African life, it’s African island life. If something says it starts at a specific time, add at least an hour. And if you want to have a meeting, just know it’s not going to start on time. 

But why is this? In the US we perceive this as being disrespectful because we place a value on our time. Here it’s considered the opposite. You are respecting others by stopping to chat with friends or family on the way to a meeting even if you will be “late” for your meeting. But remember late is also relative! Here you are considered on-time as long as the hour hand hasn’t change. So if something begins at 3pm you have until 3:59 to be there on-time. This is because taking care of family and friends is considered more important than a meeting or your job. If your child is sick here, it isn’t even a question whether you take the day off of work or not… you just do. And if you’re walking and trying to get somewhere you have to plan to stop and talk to people. My roommate, who doesn’t know Malagasy, can walk across Ambondrona in a few minutes because she can’t stop and talk to anyone. I on the other hand take at least 10 because inevitably I run into a few friends and have to stop and ask how they are doing and what’s new. 

I have learned to love this lifestyle. I rarely, if ever, have to tell someone that I can’t talk because I have to be somewhere “on-time”. I will admit that at first I was frustrated by this different concept of time. Being transplanted from the go go go life of the US into a village in Madagascar was hard. What in the world are you supposed to do with all of that time?! With no phone or technology at first it was a challenge. And if you know me well you know I normally try to pack as many things into a day as I can. I first learned you sleep with that extra amount of time. It was wonderful. And second I learned you enjoy the little things in life. You don’t have to take time to stop and smell the roses if that’s how you live your life. 

Life has definitely picked up since I arrived in Madagascar. I of course have paperwork that needs to be done, and to-do lists unfinished. But I’m no longer stressed about these things. It’ll get done and it’s not worth making life miserable to get all of these things done. And I came to the conclusion while talking with my roommate that I don’t ever want life to go back to the way it was. And this comes down to the daily recommitment to choosing this kind of life. It may not be easy everyday, but I never want to get to the point in my life again where I prioritize work over relationships or sleep. 

I see too many people who think that “one day soon life will slow down” or “maybe someday I won’t have to work so much”. If you ask me, these are all excuses that keep you from truly living life. If you truly want something you’ll find a way to make it happen. And if you really aren’t committed, you won’t. It’s that simple. If life is too chaotic, cut something out. I’m not saying it’s easy, but maybe that’s what needs to happen. And if you want to travel somewhere, find a way to make it possible. Time keeps going, and quickly if you live with the American ideal of time, so I challenge you to make the life you dream of, but start it right now. 

Erin’s Coconut Banana Bread

One of the things I have picked back up in my free time is cooking. I love all kinds of cooking, including baking. So I’m hoping to share some recipes I’ve modified to fit Peace Corps Madagascar life. People always wonder what in the world I eat out here, and to be honest I eat pretty well! I have to be budget conscious since the tiny allowance we receive doesn’t go far, but I think I’ve got the hang of it. I also do get lazy some days so peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are sometimes a thing, but for the most part I enjoy using the ingredients I have access to so I can eat food that reminds me of home. 

So for my first recipe I’ll share my Coconut Banana Bread recipe I’ve managed to put together. It’s inspired by the Flour Bakery’s recipe I found on Food Network (here). Flour happens to be my favorite bakery in Boston! And although it’s an amazing recipe for plain banana bread, I have a feeling with the recipe I have below, you’ll never make just plain banana bread again.

When I make this here in Madagascar I like to use fresh banana varieties you can’t find in the states, fresh Madagascar vanilla, and I even shred my own coconut and make my own coconut cream, however I know back in the states or from wherever you may be reading this that you may not have access to those things. So just for you, I have made this with canned coconut and regular bananas and it still turns out delicious. Give it a try and let me know what you think!

Erin’s Coconut Banana Bread

2 cups flour

1 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp salt

1 cup sugar

2 eggs

1 cup coconut cream

1/3 cup oil

3 1/2 bananas, mashed

2 Tbsp yogurt (greek preferable)

1 tsp vanilla

1 c shredded coconut

Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Sift flour, baking soda, cinnamon and salt together in a small bowl. In a large bowl beat the sugar and eggs together for 10 minutes by hand (less I'm sure with a powered mixer, but you want them very light and foamy). Add in the coconut cream and beat for 1 minute again. Add the oil, beat again, add the yogurt, vanilla, and bananas. Slowly add in the flour and lastly add the shredded coconut. Depending on the pan the time will vary, but bake until a knife comes out clean. In a bundt pan in a horrible oven it's 30-45 minutes.

Above: An ambozo - the device I use to extract the coconut flesh
Right: the fabric coffee filter I use to extract the coconut cream

Angidina

Angidina in Malagasy translates to the small beautiful flying insect we call a dragonfly. Dragonflies tend to bring on their wings a sense of calm and peace. Usually depicted by a body of water, they never seem rushed, but instead always sure of their flight path ahead of them. For me, dragonflies bring a sense of nostalgia and peace. I still have a memories of playing on the swing set in the backyard of my childhood home with 2 dragonflies circling around every summer. 

I’m not exactly sure why, but these creatures became intertwined with my dad. Maybe it was because he loved to garden in the backyard during the summers, but regardless the reason, I feel his presence when I find dragonflies in random places. I personally think he sends them as a reminder that he’s always with me. 

On a particularly hard day I walked out of my front door to find hundreds if not thousands of dragonflies. I stood in awe and sat down on the pathway outside my house to watch them circle overhead. The dragonflies brought me to tears as I sat there and felt reassured of my reason for being here in Madagascar, something I had been struggling with at the time. There have been other moments that I have found a few or a swarm of dragonflies and it brings me peace. When I was in South Africa a few months ago I also came upon a giant dragonfly in the Botanical Gardens. Finding this sculpture brightened my day and if it was small enough to fit in my purse, I probably would have taken it with me. 

I will admit that as his death recedes as a more distant memory, I don’t think of my dad as often or in the same way. 6 years to the day later and the grief has changed. The things that matter most are the little things that remind me of him and the memories I have. The loss is still there, but it isn’t as immediate. Thinking of him isn’t as heavy until I realize the time that has continued to pass and I realize he’s missed more and more of my life. He was, however, the person who had inspired me to join the Peace Corps. So when I feel alone, its comforting to think that he’s sharing this journey with me and that he guides me to stay committed to the Peace Corps year that still lies ahead of me. 

Tratry ny Paka, Happy Easter!

There’s definitely a reason everyone says it’s the biggest holiday in Madagascar! Easter festivities began the week before at Saturday Kids Club where we shared the American tradition of dying eggs with the Malagasy neighborhood kids. They were all very excited to draw on hard-boiled eggs with crayons and dye them different colors. Many of the older kids colored their eggs half green and half red. I found this strange at first because it looked like a Christmas egg! But It soon became clear that they were coloring their eggs the colors of the Malagasy flag, which makes a lot more sense than Christmas! The kids really loved dying the eggs and they found the best part to be that they could eat the eggs when they were done. The eggs didn’t even last long enough to hide them or have an Easter Egg Hunt. I’m not sure they even let the dye dry before they were consumed! We did get to share the story of the egg and how it relates to Jesus so not only was it a fun day, it was a Christ filled day as well. 

The older girls at kids club dying their eggs

Easter Sunday began with joining my friends at church. I was even treated with a great performance that the young adult group put on for Easter. Although I couldn’t understand what the song meant, their voices were beautiful! We prepared lunch with Ruth’s family and all ate together outside. I felt so blessed to be a part of their family on such a special holiday. The afternoon was filled with various games and I killed my first chicken! Before I had helped tie up a chicken before someone else killed it, but this time I did the honors. It was quite eventful. I have to admit I felt a little sorry for the poor bird and wasn’t quite sure of myself, which led to lots of laughing and a great video. The day ended with making tacos for Easter dinner and a campfire where we roasted smores. I had been saving Ruth and Andry’s voandalana (a gift you’re supposed to bring home after a trip) for Easter so we could share it with their family. As we sat around the campfire (which we really didn’t need since it was 90 degrees out…) and shared this American tradition I was filled with gratitude because I realized that this was exactly what I came to Madagascar for. I came to be in solidarity and live with Malagasy people. It was a day of cultural exchange and a day filled with love. It was a day where the ever present cultural barriers I see became nonexistent. They made me feel like part of their family, for which I will be forever grateful.

Some of my friends in the young adult group at church singing

I clearly had no clue what I was doing...

A Holiday Recap

As we approach easter and I reflect on the many holidays that have passed while in Madagascar, I am in general surprised that being away from home hasn’t been as hard as I thought it would be. First it was my birthday and then Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years followed not long after. And in general, although I missed being with family - I wasn’t sad to not be home. 

Usually the hardest times were the festivities surrounding a holiday as opposed to the day itself. The things I missed most were decorating for Halloween and Christmas or shopping on Black Friday after Thanksgiving. Many find this surprising, but what I’ve come to realize is that I almost always have something planned on the day of the holiday so it keeps me busy and I enjoy spending time with those I’m surrounded by here in Madagascar.

So here are the recaps of all of my holidays so far:

My Birthday - My friends made a tiara, I got a cake, and the Sup Bra Stage was all at the PCTC. We celebrated with a giant bonfire and smores on the volleyball court. It was pretty special!

Halloween - We had our Mahajanga region meeting out at a beautiful beach resort an hour and a half from home. It didn’t feel like Halloween because it was much too hot, but it was a wonderful getaway!

Thanksgiving - The expats in Mahajanga had a wonderful dinner at what is now my home (it wasn’t at the time) and I spent the day cooking with friends. It was very special to have such a wonderful meal with our expat community here! The best part is that it all tasted like a Thanksgiving meal you would eat in the states. I made my dad's stuffing which was very popular! It’s amazing what you can do with a little creativity, determination, and a special market vendor who is willing to import celery from the highlands!

Christmas Eve/Christmas - I was on vacation for Christmas where I visited the southern highlands and the southeast. We went to the beach in Manakara and Ranomafana to visit the National Park where we saw lots of lemurs and chameleons. The photo on the left is a mouse lemur eating a banana. For Christmas Eve we went to the hot springs in Ranomafana (which translates to hot water) and did a night hike and saw mouse lemurs, chameleons, and frogs. Christmas Day was spent traveling, but we had a nice relaxing day in Fianarantsoa. I baked peanut butter blossoms, skyped with family, and ended the day with a really nice dinner.

New Year's - I spent New Year’s in Tana and went to a nice lunch with a few friends before spending my first day of 2016 unexpectedly at a resort and then flying back to Mahajanga!

Tomorrow is Easter, which happens to be the biggest holiday of the year here in Madagascar. I’m going to spend it with my best friend here in Mahajanga and her family. I’m so excited to have the opportunity to go to church and have Easter lunch with them. I can’t wait to tell you all about it!

Are we living in the same country!?

I got this message from a fellow PCV after I posted pictures about the grand opening of Mahajanga’s newest grocery store - Shoprite! It’s South African owned and about as close to an American grocery store as you can get. It also happens to be the third “grocery store” to open in Mahajanga. Behind the capital, Tana, we are now the only city with all three options. And, yes, grocery shopping here is just like the US. I know I now get my peanut butter at Shoprite, my honey at Leader Price, and beef at Score, and I still go to my local market for fruits and veggies, which means I do go to all 4 on a regular basis because some things are cheaper at one store than another. If grocery shopping every week was supposed to get simpler here, I would have to say - it most definitely hasn’t.

So I think you can see why me friend’s question was justified. And to tell the truth as I stood in the middle of Shoprite today I wasn’t exactly sure what country I was in. What I did know was this wasn’t how I expected my Peace Corps service to be, nor is life this way for almost every other Peace Corps volunteer here in Madagascar. I expected, like everyone else, the once or twice a week tiny market in town with limited seasonal vegetables or a 5 mile bike ride to get to a once a week market. 

As I began to think about those previous expectations I felt guilty… Who was I to go buy my chicken breast from the meat counter at a grocery store!? But as I sat with my Malagasy friends at their house today, I realized I was living a perfectly normal life here in Mahajanga. Certainly there are those who are very poor and never go into a grocery store, but amongst my Malagasy friends and others who are living at the same income level it’s perfectly normal. Today after we had all visited Shoprite at separate times of the day we were even comparing prices and talking about what we will buy where now that the new store is open. 

A feeling of gratefulness came over me as the guilt left. I am so thankful to have access to so many of these wonderful luxuries that most volunteers don’t have the opportunity to get. I can make well balanced meals semi-comparable to what I would make at home (although don’t get me wrong there are somethings I still miss like crazy!). I am also thankful to have access to all of these foods as I struggle with a new gastrointestinal diagnosis that makes my current diet difficult. 

So my answer to her question is, yes, I’m still in Madagascar. And, yes, Mahajanga is amazing - you should all come visit.

Well at least I can check that off of my bucket list?

One of the last few things I said to myself before returning back to Madagascar was - I just need one little thing to go right… Feeling discouraged and unsure I was hoping for the best as I returned to site. And things started off pretty well! I was back into the swing of things before I knew it and things were looking up! I even rode my bicycle for the first time and went all the way into town.

And then then next thing I knew I was looking down… and was on the ground… 

I was riding my bicycle on the main road closest to my house, (going straight mind you!) When a motorcycle going the opposite direction took a left turn into oncoming traffic and me. I saw him begin to make the turn (remember there aren’t lights or hand signals) and before I could say anything or react he had hit and popped my front tire and the next thing I knew I was on the ground. My bike landed on top of me and then he was gone. He paused for less than a fraction of a second to see what or who he had hit and he took off. 

For a while I was so angry at the driver. He didn’t even stop. His fear of being in trouble overcame any desire to do the right thing. His face was filled of fear of what may happen to him, not fear over what he had done to me. And what was even harder to accept was that no one helped me. The street was filled with people walking and others driving and sure they all stopped, but they only stopped to stare. They knew what the driver did was wrong, but no one moved an inch to get to me or the driver Even writing about it brings back some of those not-so-nice feelings.

After the anger came disbelief. I couldn’t believe it actually happened. I just laughed at my luck. Of course it would be me. After all, I have been the person saying for the past 6 months that I wasn’t sure if riding a bike was a good idea here in Mahajanga…

But it did happen, so praise God I wasn’t injured more than a few bumps and bruises on my hands and knees. My bicycle took the brunt of it. I try not to think about what could have happened because it could have been so much worse. I try to now to just be thankful I’m okay and be glad I was wearing my helmet.

I’m not so sure that was on my bucket list, but, hey, now at least I can check that one off. Been there — survived that — and things are looking up again.

Coming out of the Storm

My excitement to get back to Mahajanga in January was fleeting. The tooth I had chipped before the new year escalated to multiple dentist appointments, lots of frustrating delay from Peace Corps, another unnecessarily long 12 hour trip to my least favorite place, Tana, finding out nothing and being shipped home on another 12 hour bus ride all knowing that if Washington DC thought something had to be fixed I would have to do the 24 hours of travel all over again. A few weeks later I received the email that my tooth was going to lead to a medevac and I would be off to South Africa soon. Bosses returned and I met them for the first time, my roommate moved in, and then yet again I was off…. another 12 hour trip to the capital and then a flight to South Africa. I felt like I was in the midst of a storm. 

So much for the idea that I would be settling in when I returned home in January. I was in Mahajanga only a few weeks at a time and I felt alone. I eagerly awaited the trip to South Africa thinking it would be a nice getaway (minus the dental work). When I found out one of the other girls from my region would be there too, I was so excited we could explore things together.

But the day before I had left for South Africa - I was done. I had had enough and was ready to just call it quits. Thankfully the Berrys (who are some of the most amazing people I have ever met) and other PCVs in Tana put everything in perspective. Maybe this trip was exactly what I needed and would provide a true fresh start. 

I left for my medevac with a half full giant suitcase hoping it would be somewhat of a medevacation. It was rougher than I expected, with some wonderful moments, shopping, and food in there as well. If you know me I HATE the dentist, and because of complications I spent 2 weeks in and out of the dentist’s office. I also did some tests for my stomach that is still bothering me and although I thought the doctors were interested in helping me solve my ongoing problem, they weren’t helpful at all. An ultrasound successfully located my pain but beyond that everything was a fight. They wouldn’t even let me see a GI doctor because they claimed it wouldn’t help. And I was told other volunteers dealt with worse so I should just deal with it and go home. Towards the end of the medevac I was at an even lower place emotionally than where I had been before I left. I felt like there was no way I could deal with this pain for 2 years. If Peace Corps wasn’t going to help me then maybe it was time to head home. My mom was a big believer in this idea as well. Site wasn’t going well, the medevac wasn’t going well, and after everything I have already been through my mom thought I gave it my best shot, but enough was enough. Actually I’m not sure there was anyone in the US who thought I should return to Madagascar after the medevac, and to be honest I wasn’t sure myself. I felt like I just needed something to go right, in the midst of everything going wrong.

Upon returning to Tana it was almost like culture shock all over again. After shopping, getting my haircut, eating amazing food, and even seeing ferraris; getting off of the plane was difficult. I was blessed enough to spend some time with people from the embassy who made the transition so much easier. I was blessed with the opportunity to meet 2 RPCVs (1 who is legendary in Mada because of his 4 years in his village!) at a dinner. I confided in them that I didn’t know what I was going to do, and I wasn’t sure if staying was right for me. These newly found friends seemed to have more faith in me than I had in myself. They said to go home to site and give it some time, and they passed along advice. The first was to make a long list of books and say you couldn’t leave until you finished them all. The second was a reminder that this would all be a memory before I knew it, and that I shouldn’t make it a memory before I really had to. And both of those things have really stuck with me. I’m currently deep in a series of LA crime books with a dozen still to go. And as the storm begins to calm, I know that I’m not ready for this all to be a memory quite yet.

7 things you learn while babysitting in Madagascar…

I had the opportunity to babysit some of my favorite missionary kids in all of Madagascar and put my nanny skills back to use. Their parents actually went out on a very rare real date! So here’s what I learned from my fun-filled night -

1. Some things just don’t change. When the parents are gone children don’t want to go to bed here just as much as they don’t wan t to go to bed when they are stateside. I guess this one shouldn’t have been a surprise, but a nanny can dream right??
   
   
2. Watching American movies just isn’t the same. We watched the lego movie last night and they mentioned overpriced coffee and Taco Tuesday and all I could think was - not fair! I would do anything for a $5 coffee and a girls night out for Taco Tuesday.
   
   
3. When getting ready for bed we don’t have to worry about monsters, we only have to worry about making sure the lions, tigers, giraffes, and cheetahs are out of the house. Whew! Africa problems… I didn’t share that these were only mainland Africa problems, it was just too cute!)
   
   
4. When the hard part of making dinner isn’t the cooking, it’s figuring out how to turn on the stove. I looked for a lighter for 10 minutes until I remembered they have a button on the stove to light the burner… so fancy! Now if we had an American oven I don’t even know what I would do with myself!
   
   
5. I’m not in charge. Mommy and Daddy said big brother was in charge, and obviously only one person can be in charge. I even tried to explain that I’m a decade and a half older than anyone else in the house at the moment, but that didn’t mean much because mommy and daddy said… All I could think of was “what am I doing here then?!”
   
   
6. If grown-ups go out on a date I should be thankful I’m not there. According to the kids I’m super lucky because they saved me from talking about boring grown-up things and we watched a movie instead! I won’t remind them I’m considered an old maid by Malagasy standards and should be married with at least 1 child by now. I guess not growing up is the way to go if you get to have a movie night!
   
   
7. Being driven home afterwards isn’t as easy as it sounds. It’s frustrating enough that I can’t transport myself home, much less that we have to drive the long way around the neighborhood because of the rain and mud. The ride was almost a real-life version of the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland! It was just a reminder that even the simplest task can be challenging here.
   

Happy New Year?

I’m pretty sure by now most of you are keen to the fact that I don’t update my blog when 1) I don’t have wifi (e.g. during most of Pre-Service Training) or 2) when things aren’t going so well (e.g. the 6 months before my departure when I wasn’t sure if I would be medically cleared to leave). Which means I have a lot to catch you all up on since my last check-in a month after arriving to site.

My first few months at site were… well… transformative and transitional to put it lightly. Once school started I quickly settled into my routine of teaching, attending a bible study, and doing my weekly errands. But by the end of November I was miserable. I knew I had two options - change my Peace Corps experience to be a positive one or go home and ET (Early Termination of Service). Much I think to my mother’s dismay, I wanted to try the former and yet agreed to the latter if things did not turn around. 

Scared, and nervous that maybe the things that were a big deal to me would be minuscule in the eyes of Peace Corps, I sent off an email to the office. This wasn’t a hasty email, it was a multi-day, multi-edited, prayed over email that also happened to be quite lengthy. I was sick to my stomach waiting to hear back, but I also had an inner peace about my decision that I found to be a reassurance from God. When I heard the Tuesday before I was to leave for IST (In-Service Training) that for a multitude of reasons I would be changing projects, I was shaking and in tears. After I hung up I realized that the initial flood of emotion turned into mixed feelings. I was excited to see what the future had in store but the sad realization that I no longer would be teaching my students set in. The rest of the week was a rush to pack up my house before I left for training and at the same time pack for training, vacation, and and a stay in Tana for an unknown length of time. As you can imagine things I needed to take with me were packed in the things to stay and some things I most definitely didn’t need ended up in my backpack on my trip.

After IST, vacation, many discussions, lots of waiting, and almost of month of being homeless and jobless in a developing country, I was allowed to finally return to Mahajanga. I really wanted to be back as soon as possible, preferably New Year’s Day, and I wasn’t looking forward to having to wait until January 2nd to sit on another 12 hour packed taxi-brousse ride, so I splurged and bought a flight. The new year came with an unexpected and initially unwelcome surprise when I arrived at the airport only to discover that my flight was canceled. I was ushered down a back hallway and at first no one was willing to tell me where I was going or why. I panicked thinking I was going to be interrogated and began looking for my phone to call Peace Corps to help get me out of what must have been some horrible misunderstanding. I found my phone and looked up to find that we had walked past the office doors and ended up at the airline service desk. As soon as I got there and was clued in as to what was going on, I began to cry. I just wanted to be in Mahajanga. Everyone on the flight was rebooked for the following day and given a free night and free meals at a resort nearby. I immediately messaged my mom to have her look at the hotel thinking it might be some horrible place, but then I realized that the airline had to put us somewhere nice enough that the vazaha vacationers wouldn’t complain. It ended up being a beautiful resort that almost made me forget I was in Madagascar. I stayed in my princess bed all day for some much needed personal time and relaxation after a stressful month. It ended up being a great stay with not amazing food, that didn’t matter much anyways since my stomach wasn’t happy.

The following day I was off on the next flight to Mahajanga and we landed in 45 minutes! (I have to admit it’s going to be hard to sit for 12 hours on a taxi-brousse again… so… if anyone wants to fund my flights for the next two years, let me know!). Flying was amazing! I love flying and I wasn’t sure if I would have the chance to while I was in PC, so it was quite an exciting event. It was a beautiful to see Madagascar from above and as we landed I had this oh so familiar feeling wash over me. The same feeling I do when I land at SJC or LAX - I felt that I was home. The crying in the airport wasn’t just because I wanted to get to a different place, I’d already been so many places, I just wanted to be home. 

Although the day before had been filled with relaxation, being home was initially the opposite. The first few days included moving out, getting the new place stocked with food, grading papers, returning papers, and unpacking. To be honest, a week later I’m still unpacking, but I figure it will get done at some point. The best part of being back is beginning to work with an amazing organization and amazing people. I’m excited to see what the New Year brings and I know it’s going to bring a lot! Lots of good and some bad, but it’s going to be an exciting year regardless. New projects will begin, family and friends will visit, adventures will continue, but I also have to deal with a cracked tooth and possibly being medivaced, the relentless heat of the hottest region in Madagascar, and I’m sure many other challenges that will come my way. 

I do truly love Mahajanga and Madagascar, and I’m not ready to give all of this up just yet. My mom likes to remind me that ETing is always and option, and she’s right. It is just that - an option. It’s also important for me to remember it’s one of many options. And right now, it isn’t the right option. Fortunately for me, and maybe not so much for my mom (who I know was wishing I would just come home!), things have started to turn around. So I guess it is a Happy New Year in Madagascar after all. 

Tratry ny Taona! 

Happy New Year!

The view from above heading home!

Welcome to Site?

Exhausting - the one word that sums up installation. I tried to take solace in the fact that I didn’t need to buy everything right away, but I can’t say that alleviated all of the stress. Between the endless shopping and courtesy visits to the police, immigration, and every other official person in Mahajanga, I was exhausted and very disoriented. And before I knew it the Peace Corps car was packed and driving away at 6am. I was so tired I didn’t even know what to think. I crawled back into bed and when I woke up I thought - now what! Peace Corps was really gone, and I was standing in my new house (not quite yet a home) all alone. I felt vastly unprepared for life on my own. Thankfully, the PCVs who were still in Mahajanga checked in on me for the first few days. They showed me around, brought me to useful places, took me to restaurants, taught me the bus system, and made the transition to life in Mahajanga much easier. That first week I just kept telling myself that hopefully, someday soon this would feel like home, and one month later it is starting to - slowly, but surely. 

Swearin-In then Moving-Out

The past two weeks have gone by in a whirlwind. It’s hard to believe a little over 2 weeks ago I was still living with 25 other soon-to-be volunteers preparing for our Swearing-In Ceremony at PCTC (Peace Corps Training Center). The Swearing-In Ceremony was filled with speeches by everyone from a representative of our host families, one of our own fellow volunteers, our Country Director, the US Ambassador, and the Madagascar’s Minister of Education. We all sang our national anthems, we sang a Malagasy song, performed dances from each of our respective regions, and wore traditional lambas. I have to say I think mine was the best! It was truly a joyous occasion that suddenly turned into a solemn realization that we would all be saying goodbye soon… and after install we would be all on our own to survive out in the Madagascar wilderness! Or in my case one of the largest cities…

Swearing-In and the preparation was more emotional for me than I expected. I wasn’t anticipating it, but it became a time for reflection. I found myself remembering why I decided to apply for the Peace Corps, what and who inspired/still inspires me, and of course, thinking about home. I also had this unknown feeling come over me that I don’t think I have ever felt before — I think for the first time in my life I felt patriotic. I was (and still am) proud of the program JFK (our only Catholic president!) started over 50 years ago. And as they played the recording of JFK talking about the Peace Corps I felt like more of an American citizen than I  ever have before. (Now for those of you who know me well, no this moment hasn’t changed my after Peace Corps dreams…)

On the other hand as we began saying our goodbyes I felt so unemotional that I surprised myself at first. I wondered for a while - why aren’t the tears coming!? And then as I looked around I realized that everyone else was crying, which meant there was no way I could cry. When others cry, I can’t. I don’t know why, but I guess unconsciously I feel as though I have to be the strong one to keep it together. The logical scientist in me also thought about how we only have only have to wait 3 months until IST (In-Service Training) when we will see each other again. And if we’ve already had 3 months fly by at PST (Pre-Service Training), then logically, IST would be here before we know it! Although as I hugged my last friend goodbye, I will admit I lost it… 

And just like that we were all moved-out and off to install….

Swearing-In lamba hoany

The cars are all packed!

7 important things I learned during my homestay

1. I am now a professional frisbee player. I brought a frisbee as a gift to my Malagasy family when I arrived, and although at first we couldn’t communicate in Malagasy or English, we could play frisbee. I learned a lot from that frisbee! Including how to count in Malagasy!
2. I am especially challenged at fetching water. I fell so many times that my family eventually wouldn’t let me fetch water by myself anymore. One time 2 of my cousins, saw me fall while they were looking out of their window. They then spoke to me in English and said “Hi, Erin! How are you?!” I was embarrassed and surprised because this was the only time they ever spoke English to me. Thankfully I didn’t spill any water, but I still had a long walk to fetch the water and carry it back up the hill as blood dripped down my leg. That story made it all the way around town by the time lunch was over and everyone except for me thought it was hilarious.
3. I am probably the worst mpanasa lamba (clothes washer) in all of Madagascar. Fortunately my Neny helped me the first time and sh tried to teach me. My sister volunteered to help me the second time so I shared my precious chocolate with almonds as a small thank you.
4. I learned how to cook over fire… but I’m definitely not mahay (very good/skilled). I’m so glad I get a propane stove!
5. I’m horrible at explaining things in the US using Malagasy. This is much harder than it seems… I’d like you to try and explain how a dishwasher works to someone who washes dishes in a bucket without running water in a foreign language you are trying to learn. I’m pretty sure the only two thoughts Neny had after my explanation was 1) she is absolutely crazy and 2) is there a tiny person inside of the box that washes the dishes?
6. How to eat chicken with bones. Neny made it her personal mission to teach me how to eat other parts of the chicken besides the white meat. She would put pieces of dark meat on my plate (usually with small feathers still in the skin) and reward me with the white meat after I finished my portion of dark meat. I can now say I’ve successfully eaten my fair share of dark meat and tiny feathers!
7. But the most important thing I learned was about love. I learned that family is more than just who you happen to share your genetic code with. I will never forget the time Neny told me she loved me the same as her other 4 children, and that she would do anything to take care of me. And the best part is, she meant it. When she made my favorite Malagasy foods and she asked me if I liked it to which I would respond “tena tsara” (very good) or “tena tiako” (I like it a lot) she would say “I know!” with a big smile on her face. And the one day I was very ill in bed and couldn’t eat, she made ramen just for me and brought it to me in bed. The rest of my family showed their love in other ways. My brother took it upon himself to educate me in Malagasy music, while my sisters all took on the responsibility of teaching me as much Malagasy as my brain could absorb. Dada is incredible at fixing things and helped me in every way he could. When my SIM card didn’t fit in my phone, he made it happen. And when I wanted a clock that had moving hands so I could teach 6th grade, he made an incredible contraption that worked!

I fetched water from the bottom of this hill!

Neny and Dada

You want me to do what, with what?

I feel like this is something that goes through my head all the time… 

You want me to do what with my food?

We have to rinse, soak, peel, and cook all of our food… or forget it. And unfortunately the water isn’t much easier - you have to fetch it from a hole in the ground that’s not close to home, wait a few hours for it to filter, then add bleach. I love drinking water that tastes like a swimming pool!

You want me to do what with that chicken?

Oh, no problem! I can take it from it’s coop, kneel on its wings while I tie its feet together so we can kill it, and eat it later. Although I may name it, take photos with it, and hold it in my arms like a baby in the meantime… Yes, the LCFs (Language/Culture Teachers) may have laughed at me…

You want me to do what with that lamba hoany? 

They somehow wrap beautiful cloths around as a dress and manage to not have it unravel… I still haven’t figured this one out, but I sure hope mine doesn’t fall down in front of the Ambassador on Friday at swearing in…

You want me to do what with my hips?! 

I started learning a traditional Northern Malagasy dance last week for swearing in. And I’m sorry, but there is absolutely no way I will ever figure out the feet, with the hip rolls, and then dancing with a partner on top of all of that … Apparently they picked the easiest one to learn, but I highly doubt that. At least every Malagasy that watches swearing in on tv will be able to laugh!

But I think the most profound question I asked only 3 days after getting off the plane was - You want me to do what with my nonexistent Malagasy?! I will never forget the panic I had when I realized that they would be dropping me off in the middle of Mantasoa on a Saturday to live with my homestay family for the weekend and then the next 6 weeks. I wasn’t quite sure how I would survive for a day and a half until we had class on Monday morning much less the full six weeks. But I did, I made it, and I even made it all the way through training!

Here’s a glimpse into the daily life of my homestay. I lived with my Neny (Mom), Dada, brother, and 3 sisters. They taught me a lot about life in Madagascar including Malagasy food, Malagasy culture, holidays, and how to really appreciate the small things in life. 

Life in Mantasoa was simple. Breakfast was at 6 am and usually consisted of some fried bread or rice with peanut butter. Then I swept my room and sometimes took a bucket shower in the ladosy before language class began at 8. Class ended at noon so I walked home for lunch which was rice with a loaka (side dish) and a salad. (My favorites were the zuchhini with ground beef and the carrot salad). Then I would try to help with dishes, although usually Neny wouldn't let me, before heading back to class at 2. Class ended at 5:30 and then it was back home where I either studied, sat by the fire with Neny while she cooked, or played Skip-Bo (the best game ever) with my family before dinner. (Dinner was always more rice often served with pasta or french fries and maybe another loaka. Yes, sometimes we ate the carb trifecta where we had all 3). After dinner I made sure to take my malaria prophylaxis, brush my teeth, and be in bed by 8. Sometimes I would read or do homework by headlamp, but usually I was exhausted and asleep by 8:30. 

Although I loved having a routine, homestay was still filled with many firsts and an abundance of surprises. Most shocking to everyone is probably that I slept on average 9 or 10 hours a night. I’ve never slept that much in my entire life! I took my first bucket shower in an outdoor ladosy and used my first kabone. I had 4 cows, 3 pigs, 2 ducks, 2 dogs, 2 cats, and more chickens than I could count. A few surprises included actually having a little bit of electricity, finding out that our baby cow lives on the first story of the house, and that the chickens like to climb our ladder to the second story to jump off of the veranda. There was never a dull moment at my home in Mantasoa! 

Even with the firsts and the surprises, the best part about homestay was how much better our communication became over time. As my vocabulary expanded so did our conversations. The simple questions of asking “what time is class?” turned into “who is your teacher?” and then eventually I could talk about what I learned in my classes that day. By the end of homestay I could express my opinions, talk about American culture, talk about the environment and the deforestation happening in our community, as well as the importance of gender equality. Although I learned more from them than I will ever fully comprehend, it was nice to finally be able to reciprocate the learning in a small way as my language improved. And when the 6 weeks of homestay were finished I left in tears because I wasn’t ready to leave my new family I had come to love. So in response to my own question of - You want me to do what with my nonexistent Malagasy? I can now say that Peace Corps wanted me to look beyond the language barrier and simply love.

My Malagasy Home

Oomby Kely

Me tying up the chicken!

My Malagasy family including my mom, brother, sisters, and cousins!

The End of My Birthday Week...

After the bonfire, smores, and Madagascar vanilla cake last weekend, I can now say my birthday week has officially concluded! My birthday packages finally arrived! I was so filled with joy, I almost cried. Sometimes things come right when you need them, and that was most definitely the case yesterday. I have been suffering from some GI problems for the past few weeks (don’t panic, I’ll be okay, and yes my mother is already aware…) and Saturday I hit a point where I just couldn’t deal with the daily pain anymore, but an hour later my packages arrived, and it was just what I needed to turn my day around. Because in all honesty, there is no place I’d rather be than right here, right now. 

Madagascar is probably the most magical place I’ve ever been, well … besides Disneyland of course. And I’m not just talking about the lemurs, chameleons, witches, mermaids, or centaurs we have on this beautiful island off in the Indian Ocean. The magic and beauty is in the everyday encounters with the people here. I’ve never met a group of people or culture that understands the meaning of hospitality like Malagasy people do. They have opened their homes and their hearts to our entire group of volunteers. Not only are they beautiful people on the outside, but on the inside as well. Every person I have interacted with here has made it feel more and more like my home, like I belong here. 

Sure, we get called vazaha, (white person) because we stand out. There’s no question about that. No matter how tan I get in the next two years, there is no way I’ll be able to blend in. I will always turn heads and be that strange person that definitely isn’t from here. And there won’t be day I’m not called vazaha as I walk down the street. At first it bothered me, all I want to do is be a part of this community, yet all I can do is turn heads. When the children line up against the fence to watch all of the vazaha Americans play a game, you can’t help but feel like an animal in a zoo or a goldfish in a bowl. 

I’ve more or less become indifferent to it now, although it truly depends on the day. Some days it can still be very irritating, but I try to just hold on to what my Neny (Malagasy mom) said to me - At first you’re a vazaha and then when you live with a host family, learn the language, and live as other Malagasy do, then you aren’t a vazaha, you’re a part of the Malagasy family. And although my new site that I will move to in 2 weeks will present it’s own challenges, I’m so excited for the next big change in my life and my Peace Corps experience.

I still have 2 more weeks of waiting, so I think I’ll try to enjoy the time I have left by spending it with my fellow trainees, using the internet as much as possible, enjoying the food being cooked for us 3 times a day, and eating all of my birthday goodies I just opened. Hopefully my tummy improves soon so I can begin eating my goodies instead of staring at them at the end of my bed!

Mimi - My Malagasy family's cat

The view on my daily walk home during homestay

Soy Green Tea Latte

As I sit in a Starbucks drinking a grande soy green tea latte, I think back to exactly a year ago. A year ago today I completed my Peace Corps Interview. I remember skipping classes just to make it, much to my professors’ dismay. I heard the interview would be an hour and a half, and I could hardly imagine how I could talk about myself for that long! Needless to say my interview lasted for over 2 hours and 15 minutes… I guess I have always been an overachiever…. 

I remember walking away in disbelief and excited all at the same time. Peace Corps would be a dream come true, but the thought of “what in the world did I just get into!” also ran through my mind. I remember calling my mom filled with excitement (I can’t say she reciprocated the excitement in her voice…). I then found myself in Starbucks ordering a soy green tea latte. 

I remember sitting there not knowing what the future would hold. And to be honest, I still have no idea what the future will hold. A lot has happened in a year. Some of the year’s events were expected, while other things that happened came out of no where. Goodness, if you told me two weeks ago where I would be today, I would have thought you were absolutely crazy! But really though… the past 14 days have been a tad bit of a good whirlwind. It’s all an adventure, which many of you know is my theme for 2015. I have to say it’s been a very exciting year so far!

I’m truly excited to see where I’ll be a year from today. If everything goes according to the current Peace Corps plan I’ll be in my village on the giant island of Madagascar without soy green tea lattes. Who knows though! I’ve learned that life rarely goes as planned (sometimes that’s a good thing, sometimes not so much). Regardless, I’m excited for the future, whatever and with whomever that may be. 

I guess I didn’t mean to at the time, but now whenever I order a soy green tea latte, it’s more than just a latte. It’s now a cup full of memories. I know many PCVs (Peace Corps Volunteers) dream of what they’ll have as soon as they step off of the plane when they complete their service. I already know I’ll order a soy green tea latte, and I think at that point my journey will have come full circle. 

And as a side note… I did happen to look up the closest Starbucks to Madagascar. It’s only a plane flight two islands away on Mauritius. Which might just make that the most expensive green tea latte I would ever purchase. On a PCV budget though… it might just be a PCV’s dream.