A year, a week or an eternity?

A year ago this week I moved into my first house in Mahajanga. It’s given me mixed feelings since it’s easy to reminisce about what feels to me like a decade ago, but then I laugh about it because that decade long feeling has all happened in a year. I was genuinely confused about how a year can feel like an eternity, but I’ve realized that it’s because of how normal life in Madagascar has become and how completely different life is now that my life before. It’s the stark difference and the series of adjustments to those life changes that create that sense of “been here forever” in such a short period of time. Now don’t take that the wrong way, it’s not the I’ve been here forever and can’t wait to get home feeling. Well most days anyways! The past few days I’ve been dreaming of peace and quiet. I’ve had music blaring from down the street for a 3 day circumscision party that makes it nearly impossible to sleep, let alone think. But let me make that clear -  that’s not my feeling on a daily basis. In reality. I’m not sure how or if I will ever assimilate when I return home. Sure I want to go home, but just for a visit, the thought of a permanent life back in the developed world seems scary. Case in point, I had a dream (or a nightmare depending on who you are) where I was whisked out of Madagascar and didn’t get to say goodbye. I was picked up at the airport and on the drive home I cried and had a panic attack because of the cars, gas stations, sidewalks and buildings. They all seemed so modern and unnecessarily fancy. I ended up getting on the first flight to Madagascar and then I woke up. I was personally surprised by my reaction considering I miss food from home so so much! But what the dream showed me was how much this place has become home.

So how exactly do you make friends?

A little over a year ago, during training in Mantasoa, I asked every Peace Corps Trainer (a volunteer that had already completed 1 year of service) the same question. So how exactly do you make friends? If you know me well, you know I have a handful of close friends, but not a million people I hang out with all the time. I actually still keep in touch with very few people, partially because I’m awful at keeping in touch and partially because I don’t know who wants to talk about my extremely boring or odd day. But anyways, it was my biggest fear about moving to site. I figured I had a hard enough time making friends while speaking English, how in the world would I do that speaking a new language! I was more than scared, I was terrified. 

Everyone one of my trainers said it would happen with time and not to worry. Obviously they didn’t know I was a third generation master worrier! Thank you Grandpa Freddy for those genes. I decided to trust them and figured that worst case scenario I would find a cat or a rat in my house to keep me company. Yet a year later I have people I consider my best friends. Who would have thought!? I certainly wasn’t sure it would ever happen. It took many, many months and I wasn’t sure that even if I did meet someone that I would ever be able to have more than a surface relationship with them. I don’t think that was too crazy of a thing to think about either… how, if I could barely speak the language would I get past our favorite color and favorite food? But now I’m happy to say I have the best friends and support I could ask for. I trust my best friend, Rota (Ruth in English), with my life. And sometimes I mean that literally. 

I can remember the day that, for me, everything changed. She wasn’t just a friend, she was my person. It was after 9pm and I had just been let go of my job at the time over the phone. And as I hung up the phone I stood in the kitchen and sobbed. I had just thought the week before that finally my life was coming together here and as I like to say, I was “on top of the moon”. A good mixture of on top of the world and over the moon! Well in an instant I had fallen off the moon and came crash landing to my new reality. It was the first time I didn’t call home for help first. Instead, I picked up the phone and called Rota and invited myself over. On my walk to her house I realized how deep my relationship and trust in her had become. I was in the midst of a low and she was the person I knew I could count on to share with and help me out of it. After all, that’s what true friendship is all about.

And now, a year into my service I couldn’t imagine Madagascar without her. She was the one I made sure my mom had to meet, and she opened my mom with open arms and lots of food and a welcome gift. I don’t think it was until she met Rota (and Andry her husband and Adele my other great friend) that she realized why I stay and continue my work here in Madagascar. She sees the relationships I’ve created and the love I have here. And if I don’t accomplish another thing while I’m here, at least I have these life long friendships to show for it. That’s what the whole mission of the Peace Corps anyways - to foster love and friendship and understanding.

So I guess the Trainers were right, it did happen, and it took a while, but trust doesn’t happen overnight. And if any of the current Trainees were to ask the same question I would give them the same piece of advice - it will happen with time, but I would add 2 other pieces of advice that I also sent to my sister as she left for university recently. 1) The friends you start with will not necessarily be the friends you end with. Just in about everything I do I’ve found that it takes a few tries to find the friends worth keeping around. And 2) Go out, go places, and do things because you never know where your next friend is hiding.