A year, a week or an eternity?

A year ago this week I moved into my first house in Mahajanga. It’s given me mixed feelings since it’s easy to reminisce about what feels to me like a decade ago, but then I laugh about it because that decade long feeling has all happened in a year. I was genuinely confused about how a year can feel like an eternity, but I’ve realized that it’s because of how normal life in Madagascar has become and how completely different life is now that my life before. It’s the stark difference and the series of adjustments to those life changes that create that sense of “been here forever” in such a short period of time. Now don’t take that the wrong way, it’s not the I’ve been here forever and can’t wait to get home feeling. Well most days anyways! The past few days I’ve been dreaming of peace and quiet. I’ve had music blaring from down the street for a 3 day circumscision party that makes it nearly impossible to sleep, let alone think. But let me make that clear -  that’s not my feeling on a daily basis. In reality. I’m not sure how or if I will ever assimilate when I return home. Sure I want to go home, but just for a visit, the thought of a permanent life back in the developed world seems scary. Case in point, I had a dream (or a nightmare depending on who you are) where I was whisked out of Madagascar and didn’t get to say goodbye. I was picked up at the airport and on the drive home I cried and had a panic attack because of the cars, gas stations, sidewalks and buildings. They all seemed so modern and unnecessarily fancy. I ended up getting on the first flight to Madagascar and then I woke up. I was personally surprised by my reaction considering I miss food from home so so much! But what the dream showed me was how much this place has become home.

So how exactly do you make friends?

A little over a year ago, during training in Mantasoa, I asked every Peace Corps Trainer (a volunteer that had already completed 1 year of service) the same question. So how exactly do you make friends? If you know me well, you know I have a handful of close friends, but not a million people I hang out with all the time. I actually still keep in touch with very few people, partially because I’m awful at keeping in touch and partially because I don’t know who wants to talk about my extremely boring or odd day. But anyways, it was my biggest fear about moving to site. I figured I had a hard enough time making friends while speaking English, how in the world would I do that speaking a new language! I was more than scared, I was terrified. 

Everyone one of my trainers said it would happen with time and not to worry. Obviously they didn’t know I was a third generation master worrier! Thank you Grandpa Freddy for those genes. I decided to trust them and figured that worst case scenario I would find a cat or a rat in my house to keep me company. Yet a year later I have people I consider my best friends. Who would have thought!? I certainly wasn’t sure it would ever happen. It took many, many months and I wasn’t sure that even if I did meet someone that I would ever be able to have more than a surface relationship with them. I don’t think that was too crazy of a thing to think about either… how, if I could barely speak the language would I get past our favorite color and favorite food? But now I’m happy to say I have the best friends and support I could ask for. I trust my best friend, Rota (Ruth in English), with my life. And sometimes I mean that literally. 

I can remember the day that, for me, everything changed. She wasn’t just a friend, she was my person. It was after 9pm and I had just been let go of my job at the time over the phone. And as I hung up the phone I stood in the kitchen and sobbed. I had just thought the week before that finally my life was coming together here and as I like to say, I was “on top of the moon”. A good mixture of on top of the world and over the moon! Well in an instant I had fallen off the moon and came crash landing to my new reality. It was the first time I didn’t call home for help first. Instead, I picked up the phone and called Rota and invited myself over. On my walk to her house I realized how deep my relationship and trust in her had become. I was in the midst of a low and she was the person I knew I could count on to share with and help me out of it. After all, that’s what true friendship is all about.

And now, a year into my service I couldn’t imagine Madagascar without her. She was the one I made sure my mom had to meet, and she opened my mom with open arms and lots of food and a welcome gift. I don’t think it was until she met Rota (and Andry her husband and Adele my other great friend) that she realized why I stay and continue my work here in Madagascar. She sees the relationships I’ve created and the love I have here. And if I don’t accomplish another thing while I’m here, at least I have these life long friendships to show for it. That’s what the whole mission of the Peace Corps anyways - to foster love and friendship and understanding.

So I guess the Trainers were right, it did happen, and it took a while, but trust doesn’t happen overnight. And if any of the current Trainees were to ask the same question I would give them the same piece of advice - it will happen with time, but I would add 2 other pieces of advice that I also sent to my sister as she left for university recently. 1) The friends you start with will not necessarily be the friends you end with. Just in about everything I do I’ve found that it takes a few tries to find the friends worth keeping around. And 2) Go out, go places, and do things because you never know where your next friend is hiding. 

When You Make Plans, God Laughs

There’s a saying that goes “When you make plans, God laughs.” 

And well I have to agree… I was born with it encoded in my genes to be adverse to change. There are those people who are jump straight into a pool without thinking twice and those who take 15 minutes because they go step by step into the pool to get used to the water. Needless to say I was not, and never have been, a jumper. 

Or if you had me on a scale of flexible like playdough to hard like a rock, I’d probably be considered a diamond. Not because I’m a Delta Zeta and that’s our symbol or because diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but because chemically they are the hardest rock on the planet. The bonds of the carbon are quite literally set in stone (and yes, pun intended).

My mom would be happy to tell you about how I cried for the first two weeks of being dropped off at kindergarten or how much I hated public high school. I even remember sitting through my orientation for LMU and hating it. It’s the change thing, I may not like it, but living just off the continent off of Africa has made me good at it whether I like it or not. 

When I was installed at site last September I thought - This is it! This is home! Little did I know that God had other plans. I was saved from that job and that also entailed moving houses. And after 6 months at my current house and job I got a call that I was being let go, meaning I was back to hunting for a house and job yet again. After the initial shock and panic, things have started to fall back into place. Today I move into my 5th new house since I arrived in Madagascar a year ago  and I recently started a new job at 2 new schools. 

I’m tired, exhausted, and so used to change that it’s become my new norm, but I’m still here and I’m more in love with my students than I thought was possible. Although I’m hoping for the next year I can call one place home, I’ve learned to live life day by day and sometimes hour by hour. It’s amazing to see how far I’ve come. I think to the core I’m still a diamond, a true planner at heart, but maybe now I can claim I’m a diamond covered in playdough, flexible enough to roll with the punches. 

Sometimes I think God gives us the same challenge over and over until we learn the lesson we are supposed to. And sure, it’s taken a few times with this lesson… But God, in case you haven’t got the memo, I think I got it this time! 

Moving day! Yes, that's an oxcart pulling my furniture! 

A Sawfish!?

What exactly is a sawfish you may ask? Well a saw fish is exactly what it sounds like! It’s this half-shark, half-ray like fish that has a giant saw-like nose. I can’t say I even knew a sawfish existed until a few weeks ago, but it turns out that this critically endangered species lives off of the coast of Mahajanga. I’ve had the pleasure of knowing Marine Biologist Ruth Leeney for the past month and she came to teach my new students about sawfish conservation. It was such an amazing experience to bring this opportunity to my classroom. My students and fellow teachers’ faces lit up learning about this amazing creature and what things they can do to help the sawfish. Not only was it special for them to meet a marine biologist, but it was a trilingual lesson! We used English, French, and Malagasy! In all three languages we talked about the importance of the mangroves in our ecosystem and how they are the protective home of baby sawfish. Deforestation is a huge problem and now students know about a secondary effect of deforestation. They also learned about other factors that have led to their decreased populations such as their predator, the crocodile, and over-fishing. Opportunities like this are far and few between for Malagasy students, so they were very excited to have a special guest and seemed very enthusiastic about doing their part to save sawfish. Hopefully we have inspired these students to be the next generation of advocates for sawfish and our environment!

To learn more about sawfish check out:

https://www.facebook.com/ProtectAfricasSawfishes/

Life is a Choice

I was talking with my roommate about how slow our life is now. As compared to my life in the states before, my life could almost be going backwards now. I don’t even know how I used to do it all. Balancing 3 jobs at 30+ hours a week, 15-17 units of school as a biochemistry major, a sorority, a boyfriend, a cat, family… the list just goes on and on. I also somehow had to squeeze homework and sleep in there. Nowadays life consists of hanging out with friends or having them over for dinner, reading books, running, cooking delicious food, and just sitting. I find myself not doing anything sometimes and being okay with that. Before I always felt like I have to be productive and if I wasn’t being productive then I was wasting my time. I have come to truly appreciate the Malagasy approach to a slow life. Life on the continent of Africa is generally known to be slower than typical daily life in the US. And here in Madagascar I think it’s even more exaggerated since it’s also an island. So not only is it African life, it’s African island life. If something says it starts at a specific time, add at least an hour. And if you want to have a meeting, just know it’s not going to start on time. 

But why is this? In the US we perceive this as being disrespectful because we place a value on our time. Here it’s considered the opposite. You are respecting others by stopping to chat with friends or family on the way to a meeting even if you will be “late” for your meeting. But remember late is also relative! Here you are considered on-time as long as the hour hand hasn’t change. So if something begins at 3pm you have until 3:59 to be there on-time. This is because taking care of family and friends is considered more important than a meeting or your job. If your child is sick here, it isn’t even a question whether you take the day off of work or not… you just do. And if you’re walking and trying to get somewhere you have to plan to stop and talk to people. My roommate, who doesn’t know Malagasy, can walk across Ambondrona in a few minutes because she can’t stop and talk to anyone. I on the other hand take at least 10 because inevitably I run into a few friends and have to stop and ask how they are doing and what’s new. 

I have learned to love this lifestyle. I rarely, if ever, have to tell someone that I can’t talk because I have to be somewhere “on-time”. I will admit that at first I was frustrated by this different concept of time. Being transplanted from the go go go life of the US into a village in Madagascar was hard. What in the world are you supposed to do with all of that time?! With no phone or technology at first it was a challenge. And if you know me well you know I normally try to pack as many things into a day as I can. I first learned you sleep with that extra amount of time. It was wonderful. And second I learned you enjoy the little things in life. You don’t have to take time to stop and smell the roses if that’s how you live your life. 

Life has definitely picked up since I arrived in Madagascar. I of course have paperwork that needs to be done, and to-do lists unfinished. But I’m no longer stressed about these things. It’ll get done and it’s not worth making life miserable to get all of these things done. And I came to the conclusion while talking with my roommate that I don’t ever want life to go back to the way it was. And this comes down to the daily recommitment to choosing this kind of life. It may not be easy everyday, but I never want to get to the point in my life again where I prioritize work over relationships or sleep. 

I see too many people who think that “one day soon life will slow down” or “maybe someday I won’t have to work so much”. If you ask me, these are all excuses that keep you from truly living life. If you truly want something you’ll find a way to make it happen. And if you really aren’t committed, you won’t. It’s that simple. If life is too chaotic, cut something out. I’m not saying it’s easy, but maybe that’s what needs to happen. And if you want to travel somewhere, find a way to make it possible. Time keeps going, and quickly if you live with the American ideal of time, so I challenge you to make the life you dream of, but start it right now. 

Erin’s Coconut Banana Bread

One of the things I have picked back up in my free time is cooking. I love all kinds of cooking, including baking. So I’m hoping to share some recipes I’ve modified to fit Peace Corps Madagascar life. People always wonder what in the world I eat out here, and to be honest I eat pretty well! I have to be budget conscious since the tiny allowance we receive doesn’t go far, but I think I’ve got the hang of it. I also do get lazy some days so peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are sometimes a thing, but for the most part I enjoy using the ingredients I have access to so I can eat food that reminds me of home. 

So for my first recipe I’ll share my Coconut Banana Bread recipe I’ve managed to put together. It’s inspired by the Flour Bakery’s recipe I found on Food Network (here). Flour happens to be my favorite bakery in Boston! And although it’s an amazing recipe for plain banana bread, I have a feeling with the recipe I have below, you’ll never make just plain banana bread again.

When I make this here in Madagascar I like to use fresh banana varieties you can’t find in the states, fresh Madagascar vanilla, and I even shred my own coconut and make my own coconut cream, however I know back in the states or from wherever you may be reading this that you may not have access to those things. So just for you, I have made this with canned coconut and regular bananas and it still turns out delicious. Give it a try and let me know what you think!

Erin’s Coconut Banana Bread

2 cups flour

1 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp salt

1 cup sugar

2 eggs

1 cup coconut cream

1/3 cup oil

3 1/2 bananas, mashed

2 Tbsp yogurt (greek preferable)

1 tsp vanilla

1 c shredded coconut

Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Sift flour, baking soda, cinnamon and salt together in a small bowl. In a large bowl beat the sugar and eggs together for 10 minutes by hand (less I'm sure with a powered mixer, but you want them very light and foamy). Add in the coconut cream and beat for 1 minute again. Add the oil, beat again, add the yogurt, vanilla, and bananas. Slowly add in the flour and lastly add the shredded coconut. Depending on the pan the time will vary, but bake until a knife comes out clean. In a bundt pan in a horrible oven it's 30-45 minutes.

Above: An ambozo - the device I use to extract the coconut flesh
Right: the fabric coffee filter I use to extract the coconut cream

Angidina

Angidina in Malagasy translates to the small beautiful flying insect we call a dragonfly. Dragonflies tend to bring on their wings a sense of calm and peace. Usually depicted by a body of water, they never seem rushed, but instead always sure of their flight path ahead of them. For me, dragonflies bring a sense of nostalgia and peace. I still have a memories of playing on the swing set in the backyard of my childhood home with 2 dragonflies circling around every summer. 

I’m not exactly sure why, but these creatures became intertwined with my dad. Maybe it was because he loved to garden in the backyard during the summers, but regardless the reason, I feel his presence when I find dragonflies in random places. I personally think he sends them as a reminder that he’s always with me. 

On a particularly hard day I walked out of my front door to find hundreds if not thousands of dragonflies. I stood in awe and sat down on the pathway outside my house to watch them circle overhead. The dragonflies brought me to tears as I sat there and felt reassured of my reason for being here in Madagascar, something I had been struggling with at the time. There have been other moments that I have found a few or a swarm of dragonflies and it brings me peace. When I was in South Africa a few months ago I also came upon a giant dragonfly in the Botanical Gardens. Finding this sculpture brightened my day and if it was small enough to fit in my purse, I probably would have taken it with me. 

I will admit that as his death recedes as a more distant memory, I don’t think of my dad as often or in the same way. 6 years to the day later and the grief has changed. The things that matter most are the little things that remind me of him and the memories I have. The loss is still there, but it isn’t as immediate. Thinking of him isn’t as heavy until I realize the time that has continued to pass and I realize he’s missed more and more of my life. He was, however, the person who had inspired me to join the Peace Corps. So when I feel alone, its comforting to think that he’s sharing this journey with me and that he guides me to stay committed to the Peace Corps year that still lies ahead of me. 

Tratry ny Paka, Happy Easter!

There’s definitely a reason everyone says it’s the biggest holiday in Madagascar! Easter festivities began the week before at Saturday Kids Club where we shared the American tradition of dying eggs with the Malagasy neighborhood kids. They were all very excited to draw on hard-boiled eggs with crayons and dye them different colors. Many of the older kids colored their eggs half green and half red. I found this strange at first because it looked like a Christmas egg! But It soon became clear that they were coloring their eggs the colors of the Malagasy flag, which makes a lot more sense than Christmas! The kids really loved dying the eggs and they found the best part to be that they could eat the eggs when they were done. The eggs didn’t even last long enough to hide them or have an Easter Egg Hunt. I’m not sure they even let the dye dry before they were consumed! We did get to share the story of the egg and how it relates to Jesus so not only was it a fun day, it was a Christ filled day as well. 

The older girls at kids club dying their eggs

Easter Sunday began with joining my friends at church. I was even treated with a great performance that the young adult group put on for Easter. Although I couldn’t understand what the song meant, their voices were beautiful! We prepared lunch with Ruth’s family and all ate together outside. I felt so blessed to be a part of their family on such a special holiday. The afternoon was filled with various games and I killed my first chicken! Before I had helped tie up a chicken before someone else killed it, but this time I did the honors. It was quite eventful. I have to admit I felt a little sorry for the poor bird and wasn’t quite sure of myself, which led to lots of laughing and a great video. The day ended with making tacos for Easter dinner and a campfire where we roasted smores. I had been saving Ruth and Andry’s voandalana (a gift you’re supposed to bring home after a trip) for Easter so we could share it with their family. As we sat around the campfire (which we really didn’t need since it was 90 degrees out…) and shared this American tradition I was filled with gratitude because I realized that this was exactly what I came to Madagascar for. I came to be in solidarity and live with Malagasy people. It was a day of cultural exchange and a day filled with love. It was a day where the ever present cultural barriers I see became nonexistent. They made me feel like part of their family, for which I will be forever grateful.

Some of my friends in the young adult group at church singing

I clearly had no clue what I was doing...

A Holiday Recap

As we approach easter and I reflect on the many holidays that have passed while in Madagascar, I am in general surprised that being away from home hasn’t been as hard as I thought it would be. First it was my birthday and then Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years followed not long after. And in general, although I missed being with family - I wasn’t sad to not be home. 

Usually the hardest times were the festivities surrounding a holiday as opposed to the day itself. The things I missed most were decorating for Halloween and Christmas or shopping on Black Friday after Thanksgiving. Many find this surprising, but what I’ve come to realize is that I almost always have something planned on the day of the holiday so it keeps me busy and I enjoy spending time with those I’m surrounded by here in Madagascar.

So here are the recaps of all of my holidays so far:

My Birthday - My friends made a tiara, I got a cake, and the Sup Bra Stage was all at the PCTC. We celebrated with a giant bonfire and smores on the volleyball court. It was pretty special!

Halloween - We had our Mahajanga region meeting out at a beautiful beach resort an hour and a half from home. It didn’t feel like Halloween because it was much too hot, but it was a wonderful getaway!

Thanksgiving - The expats in Mahajanga had a wonderful dinner at what is now my home (it wasn’t at the time) and I spent the day cooking with friends. It was very special to have such a wonderful meal with our expat community here! The best part is that it all tasted like a Thanksgiving meal you would eat in the states. I made my dad's stuffing which was very popular! It’s amazing what you can do with a little creativity, determination, and a special market vendor who is willing to import celery from the highlands!

Christmas Eve/Christmas - I was on vacation for Christmas where I visited the southern highlands and the southeast. We went to the beach in Manakara and Ranomafana to visit the National Park where we saw lots of lemurs and chameleons. The photo on the left is a mouse lemur eating a banana. For Christmas Eve we went to the hot springs in Ranomafana (which translates to hot water) and did a night hike and saw mouse lemurs, chameleons, and frogs. Christmas Day was spent traveling, but we had a nice relaxing day in Fianarantsoa. I baked peanut butter blossoms, skyped with family, and ended the day with a really nice dinner.

New Year's - I spent New Year’s in Tana and went to a nice lunch with a few friends before spending my first day of 2016 unexpectedly at a resort and then flying back to Mahajanga!

Tomorrow is Easter, which happens to be the biggest holiday of the year here in Madagascar. I’m going to spend it with my best friend here in Mahajanga and her family. I’m so excited to have the opportunity to go to church and have Easter lunch with them. I can’t wait to tell you all about it!

Are we living in the same country!?

I got this message from a fellow PCV after I posted pictures about the grand opening of Mahajanga’s newest grocery store - Shoprite! It’s South African owned and about as close to an American grocery store as you can get. It also happens to be the third “grocery store” to open in Mahajanga. Behind the capital, Tana, we are now the only city with all three options. And, yes, grocery shopping here is just like the US. I know I now get my peanut butter at Shoprite, my honey at Leader Price, and beef at Score, and I still go to my local market for fruits and veggies, which means I do go to all 4 on a regular basis because some things are cheaper at one store than another. If grocery shopping every week was supposed to get simpler here, I would have to say - it most definitely hasn’t.

So I think you can see why me friend’s question was justified. And to tell the truth as I stood in the middle of Shoprite today I wasn’t exactly sure what country I was in. What I did know was this wasn’t how I expected my Peace Corps service to be, nor is life this way for almost every other Peace Corps volunteer here in Madagascar. I expected, like everyone else, the once or twice a week tiny market in town with limited seasonal vegetables or a 5 mile bike ride to get to a once a week market. 

As I began to think about those previous expectations I felt guilty… Who was I to go buy my chicken breast from the meat counter at a grocery store!? But as I sat with my Malagasy friends at their house today, I realized I was living a perfectly normal life here in Mahajanga. Certainly there are those who are very poor and never go into a grocery store, but amongst my Malagasy friends and others who are living at the same income level it’s perfectly normal. Today after we had all visited Shoprite at separate times of the day we were even comparing prices and talking about what we will buy where now that the new store is open. 

A feeling of gratefulness came over me as the guilt left. I am so thankful to have access to so many of these wonderful luxuries that most volunteers don’t have the opportunity to get. I can make well balanced meals semi-comparable to what I would make at home (although don’t get me wrong there are somethings I still miss like crazy!). I am also thankful to have access to all of these foods as I struggle with a new gastrointestinal diagnosis that makes my current diet difficult. 

So my answer to her question is, yes, I’m still in Madagascar. And, yes, Mahajanga is amazing - you should all come visit.